


Damage Control

by seungwanderlust



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Actresses AU, F/F, inspired by a book
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27025438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seungwanderlust/pseuds/seungwanderlust
Summary: Bae Joohyun, known widely by her stage name Irene, kind of comes out as 'having been kissed by Son Seungwan' spontaneously on national television during a talkshow interview. The problem was that, Korea didn't know that she's kissed Wendy. Let alone the fact that she's gay.Partially inspired by the book 'And Playing the Role of Herself' by K.E. Lane.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Son Seungwan | Wendy
Comments: 64
Kudos: 398





	1. Damage

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by @sswblue on twitter. I hope this lives up to your expectations! Completely unbeta-ed I just wrote this quite literally on the fly lmao. Please enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joohyun slips up during an interview, and in a moment of crazy (read: genius) decides to go along with it.

The digital alarm clock at Joohyun’s bedside table buzzes incessantly, letting it be known that it was 5:00 AM in the goddamn morning and Joohyun needs to get her ass out of bed _now,_ or else face the wrath of her makeup and hair stylists on set. She grumbles as she sluggishly peels off the covers, only to be stopped by an arm wrapping around her waist.

She turns to the other side of the bed and finds her long-time girlfriend, Son Seungwan, adorably half-awake.

“Go back to sleep, Seungwan-ah,” Joohyun finds herself cooing into the younger woman’s ear.

“Where…go…?” Seungwan manages to ask despite still being in a sleepy haze. Joohyun threads her fingers through soft, messy blonde hair to hopefully soothe Seungwan back to sleep before she responds, “Filming for that evening talk show. Promotion for the season finale.”

“Ah....ok.” Despite what she said, Seungwan presses closer, into the warmth of Joohyun’s tummy. Joohyun wonders if Seungwan would even remember this conversation later, but it’s the thought that counts. 

“Baby, I have to shower now okay?” she carefully extracts herself from Seungwan’s hold. It was about the last thing she wanted to do, but work is a thing that has to happen. Begrudgingly.

Ten minutes later, Joohyun emerges from the bathroom in a towel. Her hair was still dripping because there was no time to blow-dry, and it will probably look like a mess by the time she gets to the studio, but that’s what Dohwa, her hairdresser, was for. She quickly pulls on jeans and a white tee – it didn’t matter what she wore because Jaehee would have something for her to change into specially for filming. 

“Seungwan-ah, I’m leaving now. I’ll text you when I get to the studio,” Joohyun moves into Seungwan, brushing aside the bangs on her forehead before planting a gentle kiss. It makes Seungwan smile, before burrowing deeper into the sheets.

“...love you.”

Joohyun’s chest never fails to warm from those words. 

“I love you too.”

**

“Before you say anything, I know I’m late and I’m sorry,” Joohyun preemptively gets out before the driver or the manager sitting at the front can say anything. Immediately the van makes way for the 30 minute journey to the studio, not considering traffic.

They were drastically behind schedule.

“Irene, you know that the agency is only allowing this arrangement because it hasn’t affected your work in any way,” the manager turns back to her with a pensive face. No doubt he’s already thinking about how he’s going to explain the delay to his superiors if they find out.

“If you want to continue living with Son Seungwan-ssi, this can’t happen again, okay?”

“I know, it’s just–”

Joohyun can’t help but groan in frustration. She was fully expecting this lecture (and she knew that it was well-deserved), but that doesn’t make it easier.

She lets herself slump a little on her seat.

“… Last night was the first time that she was home – that we were both home – before 10 PM in months,” Joohyun says in a small voice. She never liked talking about how she felt, but considering the problems she’d be causing for the staff today, Joohyun felt that she at least owed them an explanation.

(Her therapist is going to be real jealous.)

“But what can we do, really? Our shows are on opposite schedules. I’m home when she’s away, and I’m away when she’s home…” Joohyun states with a resigned sigh. She covers her eyes with the back of her hand. “If it weren’t for the clothes in her side of the closet or the satin pillowcases she insisted we get, it’s like we don’t live together at all.”

“Look, we’re almost done with the season which means the hiatus is coming. You guys could go on a vacation together. Just hang on for a little while longer,” the manager offers. It sounds empty, but Joohyun would have to accept that this was the best they weregoing to get.

It was depressing.

Could they live like that? More importantly, could they survive that? The only real time they spend together being when both of them were free from work.

This was no way to live.

But what could she do?

**

“Irene, there you are! Come on, let’s get you fixed up. You’re on in 30 minutes and that’s not _nearly_ enough time,” Dohwa hurriedly ushers her to a seat in front of a large vanity mirror. Irene lets herself get dragged while trying to balance the coffee she bought for the stylists as a peace offering.

“I am _so_ sorry for being late. I got held up late last night and forced myself to get at least 4 hours of sleep,” Irene manages to get in two 90º bows before she’s pushed down to her seat. She extends her hand that was grasping the coffee carrier – iced americano for Jaehee and a caramel macchiato for Dohwa.

“No biggie, darling. You’re gonna have to settle for low coverage makeup today then,”Jaehee takes a hearty sip of her drink, before immediately going in with primer and foundation. This signaled to Irene to stop talking to Jaehee until the makeup is done.

Irene liked this about her – during late nights of unforgiving filming, they’d just exist, do their jobs, and no one felt the need to fill the silence with idle talking.

“Yeah well, I’m sorry too if you look like you just got out of bed later on camera,” Dohwa simply rolls her eyes and accepts the coffee, taking a sip before setting it down on the table.

She’s heard this all before, and Irene only uses the getting sufficient sleep excuse for one very specific situation: Irene was up late last night with her boyfriend. 

(The irony of the situation is that Irene looked significantly less tired on 4 hours with her lover than a whole 7 hours sleep alone.)

Dohwa heats up her curling iron in preparation for giving Irene soft waves. The actress’s natural hair was A2, so she always needed copious amounts of hairspray to keep the styling in place.

“Honestly Irene, the least you could have done after being late is have the decency to put on conditioner.”

There is no immediate response of indignation, which makes Dohwa glance down to find Irene typing a text message. There is a sweetness to her smile and a pep in how she types, if that was even possible. 

(All tell-tale signs of being sufficiently loved up.)

The hairdresser sighs, then lets out a small smile. How could she scold Irene if she was looking this happy? 

Dohwa is finished with the thickest sections of hair and only has to style the remaining curtain bangs. She clears her throat to get the actress’s attention. “Irene, I get it. I’m woefully single and don’t really understand the perils of not seeing my boyfriend for a week, so you’re forgiven.”

Irene falters for a second before folding her hands demurely on her lap and keeping her eyes trained on her lap. It’s a good thing that Jaehee was already finished with her lashes. She’s willing the slight heat on her cheeks to go away.“Ah… Is it that obvious…?”

“Pretty much. You’re practically glowing. All this extra love is making you look more beautiful than usual, and that’s saying something because your usual is already so overpowered,” Jaehee comments offhandedly, reaching for Irene’s usual shade of lip tint. She lightly taps a dollop at the centre of Irene’s bottom lip and spreads.

In a matter of seconds, Jaehee is finished and nods once to herself, satisfied with her work. She grabs at her iced americano, once again taking a generous sip before setting it down.

“I’m going to get your dress. Won’t take more than a minute.”

“Anyway, what she said,” Dohwa shrugs in agreement as she reaches for her can of hairspray. She glances at Irene. “For what it’s worth, I hope you two keep seeing each other. Aside from being tardy – which I’m guessing is your fault in the first place?” Dohwa raises an eyebrow in question, to which Irene nods. It makes the stylist smirk at how eager Irene is to say it’s all her fault.

“Yeah, well, this one’s clearly good for you. Eyes don’t sparkle like that if you’re not being treated well.”

“I-I am!” Irene says promptly, followed by, “Treated well, I mean.” Irene clears her throat to speak clearer. She plays with the end of her shirtsleeve as she speaks, “Thoughtful notes, homemade treats, and the occasional flowers… I’m definitely lucky, I know. It’s just…” Irene rubs her arm to attempt to warm herself.

(She was almost always cold; she keeps being told it’s poor blood circulation. It was never a real problem, especially in their early 20’s when Seungwan was always there to share warmth by holding her hand, or wrapping her arms around Irene’s waist.)

“It’s not the same as being in each other’s presence.”

**

The interview was going very well so far. Jun Hyunmoo was very likeable and easy to talk to. He asked intelligent questions and seemed genuinely interested in what she had to say.

Irene found herself opening up more than usual about her doubts going into the acting business coming from the idol industry, where women are labelled with an expiration date on the day they reach 30 years old.

They were about ready to wrap up.

“Well, one good thing that came out of retiring from idol activities is you can now kiss men and have the public know about it,” the host smiles widely at her. It makes Irene a little uneasy instead.

“Ah, I… suppose that’s true,” Irene takes a sip of water to mask her being caught off guard. She chances a glance at the producer standing by the side of the set. Her eyes darken a little.

What game were they playing at?

“You’ve had several onscreen kisses from your projects over the years. The people of Korea would like to know: Who was the best kisser?” Hyunmoo’s eyes were half-apologetic and half-enjoying this – to see how Irene would try and finesse her way out of this question, no doubt.

Irene groans internally. So this is the studio’s curveball question that they’ll use to bait people to watch this episode. She should have expected it because all the previous questions had been incredibly safe.

_Well_. Might as well fuck them over by avoiding the question. Who would be a good, safe choice for this question?

Although Irene normally doesn’t let her thoughts stray during interviews, it’d look more believable on-camera if she looked lost in thought — like she was thinking about how much she enjoyed kissing this theoretical man. Hard flat chest, huge arms, a stubbly face… It made Irene shiver in distaste. There was a reason she was lesbian, but she had to think about it from a straight woman’s perspective. Even if she’d be lying since the best kisser she’d ever known is without a doubt…

“Son Seungwan...” Irene whispers.

Her voice fades as the words reverberate throughout the studio, despite how soft and quietly she’d said the name of her girlfriend. Irene was immediately horrified as soon as she realized what came out of her mouth. The entire studio ceased to move for an agonizing two seconds.

It was the longest two seconds of her life.

Hyunmoo manages to regain his wits and attempts to smooth over the situation. He wipes his palms on his jeans as he speaks with eyes still wide as saucers, “A-ah, Irene? Have you talked about this topic already with Wendy? Was that what you were saying?”

In these few seconds, time ceased to flow, and it wasn’t going to until Irene decided what to do in this crucial moment. What was she going to do? What would she say?

What _can_ she say?

She glances once again to the wings of the stage and sees her manager looking at her. He looks pale and just about ready to pass out — just like how he looked earlier in the car when one of the senior managers was grilling him about their tardiness over the phone.

(“Oppa, when am I going to get the script for the finale, anyway? I’m on the way to promote an episode where even I, as a person in the said episode, don’t know what’s going to happen yet,” Joohyun comes back in after hastily buying her stylists their usual coffee orders. ‘Don’t come in late without gifts’ was one of the earliest nuggets of wisdom Jessica gave her, and Joohyun was counting on the sound advice of a senior.

“I spoke with the writer while you were in line. It’s not finished yet.”

“What’s taking so long anyway?”

“Writer’s block is a very real thing, Ma’am,” the driver pitches in for the first time since Joohyun got on the van 20 minutes ago. “I’d wager they’re probably having trouble coming up with an exciting twist to keep your audience at a cliffhanger until next season.”

Joohyun sets down the drinks as she mulls the idea over in her head.

“Exciting twist, huh?”)

Irene is engulfed by a moment of clarity and resolution.

_Opportunity._

This wasn’t a problem; this was an _opportunity_.

Sure, if she decides to take the out that Hyunmoo is giving her, she’s going to go back to staying in the closet, living a lie.

And isn’t this some part of what she was stressing about earlier?

On the other hand, actually going through with this — coming out? Irene’s going to die _at least_ nine times. She’s going to get a heck of a lot more hate mail than she already gets.

But was Seungwan worth it?

Irene takes a deep breath and steels herself. What was she doing? She already knew the answer to that. Ever since she was twenty, in fact.

“No, I said what I said. The best kiss I’ve had is Son Seungwan.” Irene turns to the camera, speaking directly to the whole of South Korea. She gives what she hopes is the most dazzling smile she’s ever smiled in her whole life. “More famously known as Wendy. She plays Detective Kang in _Oath of Honor_.”

When it dawned on Hyunmoo that Irene wasn’t escaping, rather, she was spearheading this, he couldn’t help but ask: “When was this kiss?”

Irene grins at him. It’s devilish and holds the weight of things to come.

“You can find out on the season finale of _Shield of Justice_ at the end of the month.”

**

It is mayhem after the interview. Her manager looks like he’s actually crossed to the other side and the man sitting at the passenger seat is just an empty shell. Clearly there wasn’t any training on how to react when your lesbian client spontaneously comes out on a talk show. The phone clutched in his hand was overheating with the sheer traffic of incoming messages and calls.

This means that the information has already been leaked.

“Fuck,” Irene swears under her breath. She hadn’t even gotten the chance to pitch her idea to the show runners before the newspapers gunned for her neck.

They arrive at the street leading up to the agency, and true to form, there were already about five teams of journalists at attention.

“What are we going to do?!” Manager Oppa is brought back to life from the sight of the readied cameras. He looks at Irene with what was actual fear (?) in his eyes. “We don’t nearly have enough money to pay them to keep that part of the interview from running!”

“Oppa.”

“I guess I could sell my kidney, but even then—”

“Oppa.”

“Damn it, I shouldn’t have ignored my mom when she said candy is bad—”

“ _Oppa!_ ”

At the novel sound of Irene’s voice being raised, the manager manages to snap out of financial despair. “Y-yes?”

Irene brings up a hand to softly pat the older man’s head. He looked about as scared as a child right now. “I’m not planning on taking back what I said at the interview.”

The manager is confused. He’s shaking his head rapidly, as if the faster he does it, the more it would convince Irene to stop this madness.

“Why in the world not? Korea is homophobic! It would never work, Irene!”

“ _Because_ …” Irene lets the word drag out to effectively shush the man. “Korea won’t see it coming, and that’s _exactly_ what the studio wants.”

Or at least, Irene hoped. Very desperately hoped.

**

When Irene enters the conference room, she is greeted with the sight of the show’s director, who is sporting a tense smile. The room is unpleasantly cold, and for the fourth time today, Irene wishes she thought to bring a sweater (or even Seungwan).

Director Lee Junghwa stands up and gestures to the chair directly opposite her. “Irene, please sit down so we—”

“Cut with the pleasantries. _What_ were you thinking?” PR Agent Tak Yejin sneers from the director’s right side. She crosses her arms defensively, glaring at Irene with the heat of a hundred laser beams. “I have my best team out there pulling their hair out trying to find a way we can spin this away, but Irene — Bae Joohyun-nim — you need to understand that you fucked up _real_ bad.”

“Tak-nim, I did think about it—”

“Well clearly there wasn’t enough thinking done!” the women throws her hands in exasperation, then repeatedly taps her manicured fingernail on the glass tabletop.

“Yejin-ah, settle down and let Irene speak,” Director Lee touches Agent Tak’s arm to calm her down, and hands her a water bottle. Much to Irene’s surprise, it helps bring down the agent’s fury from a boil to a simmer.

When the air felt tepid enough to be called merely uncomfortable, Director Lee gives Irene a nod. Irene returns the gesture and takes a breath before she speaks.

“Listen, I know my fanbase. More than half are part of the LGBTQ+ community. A huge chunk of them are women who like women,” Irene says a matter of fact. She’s been in the Korean entertainment industry long enough to understand that it thrives off understated homoeroticism.

“Isn’t this exactly the type of left field thing that’s perfect for a twist?” Irene looks to the scriptwriter, who has been trying to make herself as small as possible since the conversation started. Irene offers her an encouraging smile.

“Do you think it’s doable, Jisoo-ssi?”

Maybe Irene’s smile really can calm down wars, because Jisoo manages to find her voice, “Our show has crossed over with _Oath of Honor’s_ show bunches of times before, but Wendy and Irene have never been in a scene alone together…”

Director Lee turns to her encouragingly, “I don’t think that’s going to be a problem, honestly. I’ve seen the raw footage, and those two tend to glance at each other when they’re not delivering lines.”

She glances purposefully at Irene with an enthusiastic smile. “It’s not gonna be a problem to spin those looks as lesbian activity, I can tell you that much.”

“What about the team working on Oath of Honor? You think they’re going to be on-board with this?” Agent Tak grabs Director Lee’s shoulder to have the woman face her. “You can’t ask them to take this gamble, not when they have nothing to lose.”

“Uhm, actually, if I may…” The baritone voice of Manager Oppa hesitantly interrupts the train of thought. “Irene actually said Wendy’s name earlier, so they’re probably having a meeting like this as we speak…”

Director Lee brings up a hand to lightly signal the manager to stop. “I was friends with Director Heo Soojung in college, and trust me when I say that she’ll be on board.”

She could chalk it up to Irene’s charisma or the fact that there is very little that Lee Junghwa couldn’t convince her to do, but Agent Tak physically couldn’t digest that this was happening. It went against all of her instincts.

“What are we going to do about the newspaper? I have no doubt that the CEO is getting calls from Dispatch asking for an insane amount of money to withhold the story.”

“Let them. Actually, _help_ them,” Irene and Agent Tak meet eyes for the first time again after the latter’s meltdown. “I’m going to make myself so scarce that the next time anyone will see me will be during the season finale.”

“They’ll be so starved for information that they’ll have to listen to what we put out.” The usual spark in the Agent’s eyes is back, with renewed vigor.

“Which means _we_ control the narrative,” Irene couldn’t help but grin at the turn of this talk. Just a few moments ago she was pretty sure Tak Yejin was ready to throttle her.

“Think of everyone that’s going to be _dying_ with curiosity. Heck, I’ll even do what Taylor Swift did! Hide in a luggage and have Manager Oppa drag me around,” Irene’s eyes sparkle at the thought. She knows she ought to be taking this a lot more seriously, but this felt a lot like an all-in situation. Go big or go home, so to speak.

So why not have a little fun with it?

“I’m determined to put in the work to make this go well,” Irene locks eye with Director Lee, willing the woman to see things her way and agree to it. They hold gazes for a moment, before the older woman closes her eyes, nods, and then gives Irene a resolute smile.

Irene doesn’t know what the director saw, but the look in her eyes told Irene that she was one hundred percent on-board.

“Like it or not, Korea loves her. Let’s not lie to ourselves: if Korea can’t accept a public figure that’s so beloved like her to be gay, then they’re not gonna accept anyone.” The director turns to her colleagues; there’s a fire in her eyes. She grins at them, and it’s daring and childish. “Don’t you guys want to be part of a revolution?”

The scriptwriter and Agent Tak both give each other a knowing look. There was no talking Lee Junghwa out of something once she’d already decided. Irene directs a satisfied smile at the three of them.

“Well then, now that we’ve come to an agreement on how to move forward, I’ll be heading home now,” Irene addresses the director, the producer, and the scriptwriter sitting side by side at the opposite side of the table.

“To rest? It’s been a wild day, I can imagine?” the director regards her with an appraising glance at her face. No doubt her eyes look like total potato sacks right now.

“To do the most difficult job of all,” Irene smiles at her, in a state loaded with equal parts excitement and fear. Her manager is already up and calling their van to pull up by the exit.

“And what’s that?”

“I have to convince my girlfriend to let me kiss her on national television.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There wasn't a lot of wenrene in this part, but that's because it's mostly plot stuff. I would have posted this as a oneshot but I told myself I'd post something for #wenreneToberFest so here we are. I'll try to get Part 2 out by November 15th.
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> twitter: seungwanderlust


	2. Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungwan finds out what happened. Joohyun places the future in her hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said November 15th, but consider: All women do is lie. Exhibit A: Taylor Swift said 'not a lot going on right now' before she dropped folklore. Exhibit B: Taylor Swift once AGAIN said 'not a lot going on right now' two weeks before she dropped evermore. Coincidence? I think not!
> 
> Please enjoy the read!

All the lights are off when Joohyun arrives in their apartment and it’s… quiet?

Which meant that Seungwan wasn’t home yet.

She closes the door and then pulls out her phone to double check her messages. There were three from Manager Oppa about the change in schedules for the following week, and one from Director Lee telling her that Director Heo is on board if Seungwan agrees.

Joohyun pulls up her conversation with Seungwan, starting with the messages from this morning from this morning.

[sent 5:15 AM]

 **Hyun:** _It’s been like 5 minutes but I already want to go home. Can’t believe you’re still in bed right now without me._

[sent 5:16 AM]

 **Seungwan:** _It’s been like 5 minutes and the bed is already too cold without you, if that makes you feel better. :P_

 **Seungwan:** _Now stop texting me and try to get a little bit more sleep on the way there. I’ll miss you today._

[sent 5:18 AM]

 **Hyun:** _Why are you so sweet when you’re barely awake!!!!_

 **Hyun:** _I’ll miss you too._

[sent 5:43 AM]

 **Hyun:** _Seungwan-ah, I’ve arrived at the studio. Dohwa unnie was a little intimidating, but I think bringing her coffee spared my life. I should be home at around 3 PM. Have a good day!_

[sent 5:50 AM]

 **Seungwan:** _Hope the interview goes well!! I’m going for a run, then maybe head to the supermarket to pick up ingredients for carrot cake later ^^ Fighting!! <3_

[sent 9:15 AM]

 **Hyun:** _Just finished with the interview and I’m headed to the agency to discuss some things. How was your run? Are you back home yet?_

 **Hyun:** _I… have something to tell you._

[sent 9:20 AM]

 **Seungwan:** _I’m actually headed to my agency as well? And my run was good!! I saw the ducks we passed by the other day. Wish I thought to bring some birdseed with me._

 **Seungwan:** _Uh-oh, not liking the sound of that. What’s it about? Everything okay?_

[sent 9:21 AM]

 **Hyun:** _Okay? I don’t know…_

 **Hyun:** _But I know I should tell you in person._

[sent 9:22 AM]

 **Seungwan:** _Okay :c_

 **Seungwan:** _Tell me later at home, then. See you later!_

 **Seungwan:** _I love you._

[sent 9:23 AM]

 **Hyun:** _See you._

 **Hyun:** _I love you too._

[sent 12:45 PM]

 **Hyun:** _Seungwan-ah, I’m finished with the meeting at the agency. How did your meeting go? Manager oppa is taking me to the apartment now. We have… a lot to talk about. I’ll see you there._

[sent 12:47 PM]

 **Hyun:** _I love you._

[seen 1:43 PM]

Joohyun’s heart still felt tight and heavy at not receiving an _‘I love you’_ back. They always said it back to each other — no matter how tired, sad, angry, or disappointed. It was an unspoken promise between the two of them.

The fact that it’s been nearly an hour since Seungwan had seen it and still hadn’t texted it back…

Joohyun didn’t want to think about the implications.

(But there they were,

festering at the back of her mind.)

She stepped into the hall, but kept the lights off. The harsh afternoon sunlight spilled from the windows, giving Joohyun enough illumination to make her way into their room to change clothes.

Joohyun opens the door to find the room almost pitch black. Their curtains were still down and it was hard to see, so Joohyun felt for the light switch and flicked it on.

And there she was, sitting on her reading chair in the corner of their bedroom, looking small and somber.

_Seungwan._

“What are you doing sitting in the dark?” Joohyun rushes to her, squatting by her feet to catch her gaze since Seungwan was keeping her head down. Joohyun makes to rest a hand on her girlfriend’s knee, but Seungwan moves away upon contact.

The pang of hurt is immediate in Joohyun’s heart. She breathes in deep, before she pulls back her hand and leans it on the arm rest instead.

(This can’t be happening.)

“Seungwan-ah… please look at me,” Joohyun tried to speak as evenly as she could, despite the internal meltdown that was beginning in her head. This was the first time she’d ever seen Seungwan act like this.

“Joohyun…”

The younger girl finally looks up, and Joohyun feels her heart squeeze. The look of pure worry, confusion, and disappointment pulled her already sunken heart even deeper into the mud. Joohyun felt like a naughty puppy who’d made a mess of things in a pristine living room.

“What did you do?” Seungwan grabs her shoulders; her hands are shaky and damp. Joohyun is stupefied and she only manages a drawn out ‘uhh’, which only intensifies Seungwan’s frustration.

She shakes Joohyun weakly; she speaks in a smaller, breathier whisper.

“ _What did you do…?_ ”

Joohyun finds her voice, but in the face of Seungwan’s distress, her explanation seems trivial. “In the interview… I was asked who was the best kisser among the people I’ve worked with…”

Seungwan nods and smiles weakly. “I heard. That sounded easy enough.”

Joohyun swallows the forming lump in her throat. “I was trying to think of someone to say, but then my thoughts went back to you and it just…”

(There really was no good explanation on her part other than losing focus.)

“Slipped.”

Seungwan closes her eyes tight upon the admission and sighs. “You could have fed the masses and said… Park Bogum or something,” she tries laugh it off weakly with a disbelieving shake of her head, but Joohyun can hear the catch in her voice at Park Bogum’s name.

Even after all these years it still bothered Seungwan; it still made her feel small.

“… Would you have been okay with that?” Joohyun looks at her carefully.

Seungwan deflates, easily. “No, not at all.”

She gently takes Joohyun’s hand and gazes up at her meaningfully; though her smile is grim. “But Joohyun, my discomfort at having the public believe you’re involved with someone elseis inconsequential over something like our careers — our _safety —_ in this country.”

The set of her jaw, the tension in her brows, the thin line her pursed lips formed… Seungwan looked so heartbreakingly defeated and earnest and brave. Joohyun can feel her eyes starting to prickle with tears; she rapidly tries to blink them away. She clenches her hand in a fist to help her hold it together.

“What do you mean inconsequential?” Joohyun starts. Her throat feels sore; it quivers because it hurts to speak. “Seungwan-ah, please don’t think like that. Your feelings are important—the most important, in fact.”

Joohyun reaches out and her thumb tenderly grazes Seungwan’s cheek. “The fact that you’re so willing to do this for us? Let everyone speculate that I’m with some man to protect us? It is _exactly_ why this should be done.”

“A woman like you shouldn’t be a secret.”

And that was the kicker. The line that breaks open the seal on Seungwan’s very bottled up feelings. She fizzles open like a soda can that you accidentally shook and opened.

“Don’t be sweet when I’m trying to talk you out of this insanity,” Seungwan laughs through her spilling anguish. She wipes her tears with the corner of her sleeve.

When they look at each other, it’s the first time that Seungwan smiles. Joohyun sees the puffiness of her eyes, the flush that’s spread through her cheeks and nose, and swollen lips from all the worrying. Joohyun takes it all in, and it all melds together to form one encompassing thought:

_I love her._

Joohyun surges forward and plants a kiss on Seungwan’s lips. It’s painful, sweet and full and gaps the fear for the both of them. When they break for air, they look at each other, disheveled and teary-eyed; both frustrated at a situation they put themselves in to make their lives easier.

(The only way out is through.)

Seungwan crashes into Joohyun from her spot on the chair. Joohyun immediately wraps her arms around her girlfriend and lightly rocks them together. They sit for a while on the floor as they try to calm down. Joohyun’s shoulder ends up soaked.

“I’m… afraid,” Seungwan begins. She doesn’t move from her spot, choosing to say the words into the curve of Joohyun’s neck. It makes saying the words so much easier. “I’m afraid that if we do this, and the backlash is too much for you to handle, that you’ll end up regretting it…”

Seungwan catches her breath as she wraps her arms around Joohyun’s waist. She clutches at the soft white sweater on Joohyun’s back, before moving away just enough to look into her eyes. The next few words might as well kill her, but they needed to be said if they were to get anywhere.

“Regretting _me_ ,” Seungwan tightens her grip on Joohyun as she chokes out the words. They taste bitter on her tongue, but they’re the truest and ugliest of her fears.

She regards Joohyun’s face, and her eyes soften. Seungwan hesitates before she cards her fingers through her girlfriend’s hair. Their eyes meet; Seungwan looks loving and sad.

“People like you? You don’t go for people like me.”

Seungwan manages a small smile. “And yet here you are.” She brings her hands down to cradle Joohyun’s jaw in her hands, keeping their gaze locked. “Joohyun, you don’t understand. You’re _it_. I don’t think I’d be able to love anyone else. I don’t want to.”

Joohyun closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. A chuckle escapes from her as she shakes her head. “See this is how we are so alike but so different at the same time.”

She covers Seungwan’s clammy hands on her face with her own, squeezing them gently for added comfort. Her thumb lightly rubs against the back of Seungwan’s hand. “Seungwan-ah, does it occur to you that I don’t want to lose you just as much as you don’t want to lose me?”

Joohyun hears the catch in Seungwan’s breath, and she knows the younger woman is about to go on another long cry if the cynical thoughts in her head persist.

“Forget everyone else’s opinions.”

Seungwan pauses and purses her lips into a tight line before tentatively nodding.

Joohyun licks her dry lips as she asks, “Would it make you happy if everyone knew? That I’m spoken for? That I’m not interested in any man?” She reaches for Seungwan’s right hand and brings the back of it to her lips for a tender kiss. “That I love _you_ , Son Seungwan?”

Seungwan trembles with a sigh before she catches herself. She shakes her head vigorously as her tears fall freely.

“…I can’t.”

Considering the entire situation as a whole, Joohyun more than understood her girlfriend’s hesitance. The charade was all they’d known for so long, and it had been ‘working’ for them so far. Why fix something that isn’t broken?

But this was the problem.

Anything else was disproportionate. Unsustainable. It would eat them from the inside out. Just because something hadn’t blown up in their faces yet doesn’t meant it never will.

Joohyun sighs and stares pensively at their feet. Seungwan’s toes were painted in baby pink, with little yellow stars. Joohyun pulls her closer and rests her head against Seungwan’s shoulder. She thought she’d gotten through to her; convinced her that this was the road to the best outcome.

But Seungwan was scared, and it was up to Joohyun to assuage her fears. They needed to both be on board with the plan. They needed to do this together: all-in, one hundred percent.

So the question: _How do we move forward from here?_

Joohyun moves back as she looks into Seungwan’s eyes. The younger woman looks at her in rapt attention with huge vulnerable eyes, waiting for what they’re going to do. But what else can they do? Joohyun has laid it out in the open, told Seungwan how she feels, and it still wasn’t enough to push a yes out of her.

(So maybe… she shouldn’t.)

Joohyun brings her lips closer to the shell of Seungwan’s ear. She whispers into the small space: “Okay.”

Seungwan blinks. “What?”

“Okay then. Let’s not do it.”

“B-But didn’t you just say—“

Joohyun presses a finger against Seungwan’s lips to stop her from talking. “I know what I said, but you won’t let me so…” She pecks Seungwan’s cheek and decides on their course of action—

“I’m putting the decision in your hands.”

—by leaving Seungwan with the final say.

“When we get the script for the finale, you can choose to kiss me or not during the scene. I’ll speak to the director to keep the cut that you decide on.”

Joohyun rests her hand on Seungwan’s chest, just above her heart.

“I’m giving you the choice. Because we’re together in this, and I’ve already made mine by starting this in the first place.”

That night, they lay tangled together in a mess of hair and limbs. Seungwan gets up for a glass of warm milk, and grabs her phone to check the time. When she unlocks her phone, it opens on the last application she was using — the messaging app.

Specifically, her conversation with Joohyun.

*

In their bedroom, Joohyun is sound asleep when her phone pings, signaling a new message.

[sent 2:21 AM]

 **Seungwan:** _I love you too._

_*_

Irene arrives at 5:01 AM on the first day of filming. She’s immediately brought in to styling the moment she gets on set. Dohwa and Jaehee practically throw her into a chair and attack her with brushes and curling irons, citing an incredibly busy day. Irene didn’t care; she was falling asleep despite the chaos, indicative of what little quality sleep she got the night before.

After an hour and a half, Irene is dressed in a sharp soft blue pantsuit, small dangling diamond earrings, and shell white heels. Her hair had been pulled into a low ponytail and her makeup successfully covered her distressed sleep.

The styling crew definitely deserve a raise after this.

Seungwan clocks in just before 5:34 AM, with coffee for the staff and a hot chocolate for Joohyun. She was sporting a white turtleneck, black dress pants, and a light brown coat. Her blonde hair looked hastily pulled into a low ponytail, but rather than looking unkempt it was attractive. She looked a little more put together than Joohyun, but that was probably the additional 30 minutes of sleep she’d gotten working their magic.

Their fingers brush as Seungwan hands her the paper cup, making Joohyun’s skin tingle pleasantly.

“You look ready to take on the world,” Seungwan chances a quick once-over of Joohyun. The light gaze shouldn’t have made Joohyun blush, having been regarded by Seungwan in more intimate situations than this one.

(But it did.)

They look at each other for a heartbeat before Seungwan nods and heads to styling.

It seemed promising enough. She didn’t look visibly upset and she even got Joohyun a drink. Joohyun didn’t have enough time with her to gauge her girlfriend’s headspace but she did look her in the eye just now. The look was carefully neutral, which was Seungwan’s go-to when she was trying to keep her composure.

That had to mean something, right?

A hard slap to the spot between her shoulders her brings Joohyun out of her thoughts. She immediately shoots her most venomous glare at the offending hand, which just so happened to be connected to an equally, if not more, offending Director.

“You know, there’s a proper way to greet people,” Irene seethes at Director Lee as she tries to reach her back to rub at the spot. The older womanwaves it off. “Sure, but you looked so out of it that I doubt you’d even notice me.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not the woman on the cusp of something that will change her relationship as she knows it. Cut me some slack,” Irene says a matter of fact as she sips her hot chocolate. Director Lee looks at her meaningfully, “That may be, but you have a better chance of it going the way you want if you’re on top of your game.”

Irene nods at the words; they only help for a second before she starts fidgeting again. Director Lee reaches out her hand to stop her by the arm. “Look, it’s out of your hands now. Again: The best thing you can do is to act the hell out of this episode.”

Irene’s mouth felt sticky and full at the director’s words. It was most likely the hot chocolate but she didn’t have enough brain power to digest that information right now.

She was right. Irene had to get it together if she wanted Seungwan to have confidence in them; to go through with this crazy plan. Irene finds a bench at the corner to have a last minute look at her lines.

**

This was one of the few instances in all of her acting career that the filming would be done in chronological order to the events in the episode. Joohyun didn’t know if that was intentional, but either way, it meant that the last scene they were going to shoot was the kiss scene between her and Seungwan, inside Prosecutor Park Jangmi’s office late at night.

The thought made Joohyun’s stomach churn. They wouldn’t know Seungwan’s decision until the very last second.

_Don’t think about it. Just… focus on what needs to be done. You aren’t Bae Joohyun with the future of her relationship at stake. You’re Prosecutor Park Jangmi who is about to cover up the mistake of the blonde detective you’ve been secretly in love with all season._

Over the course of the day, the anticipation of the kiss sparked palpable tension between Joohyun and Seungwan, colouring their performances spectacularly and making Director Lee and Agent Tak very happy.

Joohyun started to relax as they worked through the scenes on by one, letting her slip into someone else’s life for several glorious hours. She didn’t need to muster up words to say to Seungwan because Jangmi had words for Byunghee instead.

“You guys are on fire today. Is there something in the coffee Wendy-ssi brought?” Director Lee teased at the two actresses, wiggling her eyebrows at them. “Keep up the tension. It’s going to be so good for the last scene, if you know what I mean.” The director makes a show of elbowing Joohyun’s arm, earning the older woman another glare from Joohyun.

Until finally, the last scene of the day was going to be filmed. Director Lee wanted the scene shot in two sections: the two would enter the scene while arguing, then the kiss. The older woman turns to Seungwan with an easy smile, which was clearly to put her at ease. “Wendy-ssi, you set the pace and Irene will follow your lead. Alright, let’s get the cameras set up and wrap this last scene up!”

They are left standing together in the small space near the refreshments table, being sidestepped by people getting the Prosecutor’s Office set ready for filming. Joohyun can’t bring herself to look at Seungwan, so instead she focused on the low electric hum of the water cooler as she repeatedly shifts her weight between her left and right heel.

It’s Seungwan who breaks the silence.

“Joohyun?”

Joohyun halts, “... Yes, Seungwan-ah?”

“Can I ask you for something?”

The request causes Joohyun to meet her girlfriend’s eyes. The half-opened set of her eyelids and the hint of red at the corners: It was evidence of her anguish, mixed in with acceptance, fatigue, frustration, and longing.

Joohyun crushes the paper cup in her hand before dropping it into the bin. She gently takes Seungwan’s hand in hers and squeezes. “Of course, baby. Anything at all.”

The younger woman nods, then while picking at her nails speaks, “Tell me you love me?”

Joohyun is taken by surprise at the request. This... wasn’t something to request so seriously like this. Despite the momentary glitch, her body has been in Seungwan’s space enough times that she acts on muscle memory. The older woman brings her arms around her girlfriend and burrows her face into the crook of her neck without actually touching.

“I love you,” Joohyun mutters into Seungwan’s pulse point. It seemed to beat faster and grow warmer upon the declaration. She tightens her hold, so much so that their bodies melded into each other without any space between them.

Seungwan sighs, then reciprocates the tight embrace.

“I love you too.”

**

The door to the office slams open with Detective Kang Byunghee hot on the heels of Prosecutor Park Jangmi’s white Prada pumps.

“Why does the report say that Yoon charged at me first?” The blonde’s black leather jacket billowed in the air as she bounded towards Jangmi.

_(“So madam prosecutor doctors the report about how the incident happened?” Seungwan asks out loud during their meeting three days before filming. Joohyun was sitting across from her at the table, since they had to occasionally read lines to each other._

_Scriptwriter Jisoo answers while flipping through the next three pages, “Yeah, it’s just the kind of slip-up that the Chief has been waiting to exploit since that stunt with the petty robbery.”_

_“If it was any other officer on the force, they’d just get off with a warning,” Director Lee nods from the head of the table, before her eyes widen in realization, “So apart from the gays, we’re also tackling sexism in this finale? Not gonna lie; we’re kind of killing it.”_

_Agent Tak shoots her a slight glare and gives her arm a solid slap — “Behave.” — before she turns back to Seungwan, who was looking contemplative._

_“So let me get this right: Jangmi acted on something that affects Byunhee’s career without telling her, because… what?” the blonde looks up at her bosses with clear eyes, asking a seemingly genuine question._

_It was unassuming._

_Joohyun felt like the younger woman made it a point to not glance at her direction._

_It was unsettling._

_It didn’t sound like she was talking about them but… it sure as hell felt like it, Joohyun thought as she subtly fidgeted in her seat._

_“What if she wanted to deal with the consequences of her actions?”_

_Agent Tak’s eyes go back and forth between the two of them. Her eyes stay on Joohyun. Her right eyebrow rises a millimetre in a sort of ‘are you okay?’_

_When Joohyun nods subtly, the older woman clears her throat, “I think… Prosecutor Park did what she needed for the best outcome for everyone.”_

_Seungwan blinks, visibly letting the thought marinate in her head as she looks back down and kept studying the script in front of her. Slowly, she meets Joohyun’s eyes with her own._

_“I see.”_

_The stare holds for a few seconds before she turns back to the script and into the meeting.)_

The attorney settles into her white leather chair behind her desk to up some distance between the two of them — to show that she was the one in charge. Detective Kang remains standing by her lavender velvet sofa in the middle of the room.

“That degenerate got a bullet to the shoulder when he deserves much more than that, and on top of everything, he received medical attention almost immediately,” Jangmi props her arms up on the table, laced her elegant fingers together, and meets the Detective’s gaze with challenge.

“That doesn’t make it right that I shot him without a good reason,” Byunghee countered. The tight set of her mouth grew more bitter. “I let myself get provoked and I shot him the second he moved his arm,” Byunghee glared at her hand and clenched it into a fist.

Jangmi pinches the bridge of her nose before throwing back in exasperation, “He told you he had a gun! I think that’s reason enough—”

“He was bluffing! You don’t think my partner and I surveyed him for a firearm before I approached?” the detective approached briskly before slamming her hands down on the desk, leaning into Jangmi’s space.

(Seungwan’s eyes were starting to look shaky and her face was well into being flushed. Was it from the scene itself?

Or was it from was was about to happen next?)

The prosecutor glared back as the detective bounded around the table at her side. Her voice was strong but even as she countered, “ _No,_ he wasn’t. It was in his bag that was open by his feet, which you’d have _known_ if you didn’t recklessly charge in.”

“I’ve worked with the Chief for years. I know what he’s like! You would have been suspended at minimum. Show some goddamn appreciation, baby girl,” Jangmi made her point by forcibly poking Byunghee’s leather-clad shoulder with her manicured index finger.

The blonde detective purses her lips in a tight line. Her voice is low and dangerous. “I know when I fuck up, Madam Prosecutor. I don’t need you to babysit me,” Byunghee moved closer as she seethed, grabbing the attorney by the lapels of her expensive cashmere suit. Her hands felt cold and Jangmi could feel it through the fabric of her top.

(Joohyun’s breath catches at the choreographed movement. Her heartbeat was all over the place: in her chest, head, palms, _everywhere_. Her entire body was rushing with energy.

This was it: Seungwan was either going to shove her back into her chair and storm out of the room, or kiss her senseless for the whole of Korea to see.

It’s now or never.)

“And I’m not a child. Don’t call me baby girl,” the detective says pointedly into the space between them. She surges forward, but not before hesitating mid-way. Joohyun hoped that her eyes looked encouraging enough without outwardly going off script. Evidently this worked, as before she knew it, Seungwan was bringing their lips together in a heated kiss.

The intensity of the kiss took Joohyun completely by surprise. It was in the script, sure, but there was a difference between reading about something versus experiencing it yourself; and that was aside from the fact that Joohyun didn’t exactly let herself expect that this would actually happen.

The kiss was hard, heavy, and felt like it would bruise Joohyun’s lip from the sheer force. Seungwan’s lips were cold at first — probably from the nerves — but they caused fires to spark inside Joohyun. A shiver goes through Joohyun’s body before she reaches into Seungwan’s jacket, pushing the touch from the curve of the younger woman’s waist downward to squeeze her ass.

Seungwan moans indulgently at the pressure, and it hits Joohyun that the past week following the interview was the longest the two had been in a relationship limbo since they started dating all those years ago. As a consequence, this was the longest they’ve been without this type of intimacy as well.

And _god_ did it feel good to make out with the woman you love.

“W-wait,” the younger woman pants, lightly pushing at Joohyun’s shoulder. Despite the kissy haze Joohyun was in, she immediately moved back. “W-what is it? What’s wrong?”

Seungwan pauses at Joohyun’s concern, before she chuckles while shaking her head, “Nothing wrong, nothing at all. I just wanted to say something before we move onto…”

She presses her thumb on Joohyun’s bottom lip as she batted her eyelashes.

“…other things.”

Seungwan couldn’t help the pleased smile forming on her lips as she observed Joohyun’s eyes smolder at the words.

The older woman did extract her hands from her behind and instead held both of Seungwan’s hands with an equally pleased smile, “Well, okay, what did you want to say? Because I really want to get to the said other things.”

Seungwan full-on laughs this time at the insistence. Not that she could blame Joohyun. When she sobers, she regards Joohyun’s eager and open expression, reaching up to tuck her hair behind her adorable right ear.

“I didn’t ask for your help. I could have dealt with things just fine on my own.” Her big eyes glowed in the evening light as she moved to kiss Joohyun’s cheek.

“But thank you.”

Joohyun breathes in deeply, leans down to touch their foreheads together, and returns the look, “That’s where you’re wrong. I didn’t do this just for you.”

“I also did it for me. I did it because ultimately, we want the same thing,” Joohyun murmurs into Seungwan’s ear before she pulls off the leather jacket, throws it to the purple sofa, and cups Seungwan’s face in another kiss.

( _“—and CUT!”_

_Director Lee’s voice permeates throughout the set._

_“End scene! Good work everyone!”_ )

**

”Remind me again why we’re walking home? We’re practically asking for Dispatch to tail us, you know,” Joohyun asks with a smile before taking a sip of the hot green tea latte in her hand.

After filming, Seungwan suggested they walk home since their place was just two blocks away from the set. Joohyun indulged her, but not without complaining about being tired the entire time before Seungwan bought her Starbucks along the way. They weren’t truly alone; Manager Oppa was walking a few paces behind them, but it was as good as a moment alone they’d get before they eventually passed out at home.

“True, but consider the free advertising we’d get for the show,” Seungwan shrugs before looping her arms through Joohyun’s. The action causes her iced caramel macchiato to slosh around.

“Aaah! Careful, that’s my shirt you’ve got on!” Joohyun’s reflexes managed to not fail her as she successfully steadies the younger woman’s drink. Seungwan’s eyes travel from their joined handsto the material of the said sweater that belonged to Joohyun.

_Her_ _girlfriend_.

“Yeah, I guess it is,” Seungwan smiles warmly, pulling on Joohyun’s arm to bring them tighter together as they walked. They continue in silence, with their hands firmly joined together.

It’s Seungwan who speaks first.

“See, Joohyun, it’s quiet moments like these that make me go like, ‘How can they think this feeling is wrong?’ Seungwan wraps her arms around Joohyun’s waist.

“I look at you and I finally understand what life is about.”

Joohyun returns the embrace, wrapping her arms around Seungwan’s neck this time. “Well look at you now, Miss Son,” Joohyun hugs her tighter with a toothy smile. “I’m glad you seem to be doing well given what just happened in there,” Joohyun tilts her head to the direction they just came from, where the filming set was.

“Yeah well, as I said before, I’m a big girl. You don’t need to worry so much about how I’m going to manage,” Seungwan scoffs with a light smirk and a glance to the side. There’s a slight quiver in her eye that spells it out for Joohyun that Seungwan’s pretty much just putting on a brave face right now.

“There’s going to be an intense fallout at the beginning. That’s a given when you’re dealing with a country like this.”

Seungwan nods. She’s still looking at the cars in the distance; looking away from Joohyun.

“We’re going to get hate mail. Possibly quite a few dead rats, let’s be honest.”

Seungwan grimaces, swallows the forming lump in her throat, and then nods again.

Joohyun couldn’t help but smile at the next words. This was sure to get Seungwan to look back at her.

“If it gets too bad that it affects our career and safety, we’ll leave the country.”

The younger woman’s eyes bulged at the implications as her head readily snapped back to face her girlfriend.

“Wait, if this plan doesn’t work out, we’re gonna _elope_?”

Joohyun’s eyebrow quirks again as she teased, “Who said we’re eloping? Maybe we just wanted to be close to your parents for a while.”

“A-ah, I didn’t mean to imply that I wanted to, I mean, I _do_ but—”

Joohyun’s thumb comes up to gently shush all the verbose-ness currently spilling out from Seungwan. “Relax. You’ve got all the time in the world to propose, Romeo.”

The reassurance gets the flustered woman to settle, if only a little.

“Either way, I’m not too worried,” Joohyun shoots Seungwan her best smile: the one that made her eyes disappear and her nose scrunch up, “because I believe in us.”

Seungwan looks up at Joohyun, then just melts. She nuzzles into Joohyun’s chest. The soft hum of _yeah_ vibrates into Joohyun’s heart.

They break apart after a few breaths.

Seungwan studies her again before speaking. “Have I ever told you how sexy I find your eyebrows?” Seungwan mutters as she traces the line of said sexy eyebrow with the tip of her index and middle finger. “You kept acting with them earlier in the scene. It was… kind of hot,” Seungwan blushed lightly at admitting.

“Yes, many times,” Joohyun quips as she closed her eyes at the touch. “Do you really think I get them threaded every week for _work_? _”_

Seungwan’s fingers stopped caressing the fine hairs of Joohyun’s eyebrow. The flush was steadily growing.

“I’m confused as to why you’re bringing it up right now, but no complaints here.” Joohyun angles face to kiss the center of Seungwan’s palm.

Then her wrist.

Then shoulder.

Neck.

Jaw.

Temple.

Forehead.

Just before Joohyun moves to claim Seungwan’s lips, she thought to herself:

_Let’s give them something to really write about._

They meet together in a wonderful kiss and Joohyun vaguely feels a flash somewhere in the area. She quite literally couldn’t care less.

Free advertising, indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to the typhoons and the general state of, well, everything, I was finding it hard to write the second part up to where I was satisfied. I mostly finished it because I wanted to finally move on, in all honesty. If there's a loophole or there's a continuity problem, it's because I decided to upload this raw (unbeta-ed yet again lol). I hope you found it good enough to follow up the first chapter. 
> 
> Please tell me what you think!!
> 
> twitter: seungwanderlust


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